I recently started talking with a guy friend that I hadn't talked to in awhile, things seemed to be going good and heading towards "something" and then something happened. So, I wanted to help you all out so you don't end up being thought of as a An Idiot or Meanie-head like this guy could easily be thought of as:
If you are just friends with a girl you need to make sure you are treating her just like all your other friends. You can't make her feel special unless she is. And if she is special then you need to let her know that she is not just a friend.
Don't send mixed messages be straight forward and if you are unsure of things to the point that you aren't willing to act on them then don't say anything no matter how open and honest your friendship is. Trust me she can't hear what you have to say because if you aren't gonna do anything about it you are only pulling on her heart strings. And in the end you are breaking her heart.
So some pointers on things not to say/do:
1. Never bring up marriage. I am not talking about the two of you getting married I am talking about anything thing that has to do with marriage, just don't bring it up.
2. Never and I mean Never kiss her unless you are willing to follow through with what that means. (you all know what that means and don't tell me she wanted it, if she kissed you back it was because she wanted you not just the kiss, she wanted a relationship and some how in her mind she was thinking "if we do this it will take us to the next level" wrong) Just don't do it. If you really have to kiss a girl because you are that desperate go to a bar find a girl you don't know kiss her and move on, you whore.
3. Phone conversations should never be longer then one you would have with the guys. I don't care if you feel like you can talk to her in ways you can't talk to the guys. She is just a friend stop talking to her for hours you a**hole, your leading her on.
4. Don't pay for her when you go places unless you do that for ALL your friends. Here is why IT'S A DATE if you do your an idiot. You are just friends, friends don't date. If you would like to say you are dating then please by all means take her wherever you want and pay for whatever you would like. But until you are willing to call it dating (which does not make it exclusive I have recently been researching what dating actually means and this is what I have come up with; Dating, in my opinion (and most people today), is getting to know someone that you like that you could potentially have romantic feelings for or eventually want a relationship with. I think the difference between say "dating" verses friendship is the emotions you feel, you don't want to date all of your friends. In addition, you may spend much more one-on-one time with a person that you date verses a friend. This one-on-one time is usually the key to figuring out if you want a relationship or not.
When it becomes exclusive (meaning you know you want to have a relationship with that person and no one else), it becomes a relationship you are no longer just dating, some would call it exclusive dating, boyfriend/girlfriend others may say courtship. No matter what it is called it is the next level after dating.) don't take her on dates.
5. Let her know how you feel when you are sure about your feelings. I know it is easier to talk to girls about your feelings but don't do it with the girl you have feelings for unless you are sure of them. Call a girl friend and talk it through if you have to but don't, whatever you do, share your feelings with "your special friend" unless you are ready to act on them . Even if she is asking you to, lie to her if you have to. No really don't lie just let her know you are working through some stuff and you will let her know how you feel when you actually know for sure.
6. If you are just friends stop checking her out. We can tell when you do that, we aren't stupid. We can feel your eyes on our body, we may not know what you are thinking exactly but we aren't stupid. Though it is flattering it is beyond inappropriate for you to do with a friend.
7. Never slip up in your words. So, you "like" her more then friends but you don't know if you want to do anything about it. Keep your mouth shut in regards to anything that could imply that you want to be with her. Don't say things like;
I have never felt this way with someone before
Why can I tell you anything and know that you will still see me the same
How can I feel this connected to you
Why do I feel so comfortable with you
You drive me crazy
You're beautiful
anything like this puts things in our heads and wether you want those things in our heads or not you need to protect us until you are ready to make a commitment even if it's just a commitment to dating.
So that's all I've got for now. I am sure there will be more at some point, but I am turning over a new leaf so you may not see blogs like this anymore or you may only see blogs like this??? It is going to be the only place for me to get it out :)
Please oh please give me your feedback on this.
Especially the dating portion I am really curious to see what others think "dating" is
Thanks for reading!
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