It's not in My head

I know that we all do this we think there is something going on but we tend to make excuses and rationalize it saying it's all in our head. If you have never done that then you should just stop reading but if any part of you resinates with the previous statement then keep reading.
Recently I have had these feeling regarding my move. Feeling like I am being excluded and left out. Finding that things are going that I would normally be invited to but I am not anymore. And just being treated differently in conversation. Ever since I let everyone know that I was moving back home all my Hawaii friends (not hawaiian but hawaii)  have been treating me differently. It has been "all in my head" I would tell myself but really I am finding out that it has not been in my head and that people are treating me differently or just not treating me at all.
All the invites to come over and hang out with friends have gone away. I have been sitting alone for the past couple weeks trying to make myself busy, unless of course someone needs something from me :)

I think it is very interesting how we as people pull away when something is happening that we don't want to have happen. I know I have done this but I truly try to make a point to not do it. Knowing how we respond to change is very important especially when our response can be hurtful to others. I know that I can respond in negative ways to change even though I tend to love change so I try to counter act the natural response when it is negative. How we make others feel does matter if our actions are unkind.

Recently I was made aware of how I was being treated differently since my moving announcement and it has been hurtful. I have tried to make excuses for my friends which I do think are valid (sometimes it's easier to pull away from someone then to invest more) but I think we need to strive to treat others the way we would want to be treated. I know it is hard to do sometimes but it is something we need to strive to do. If we can't treat each other kindly how will we ever be able to love each other and if we can't love each other how will we ever be able to love our neighbors or our enemies?

I think we all need to look inward and see where we could be more loving towards each other. What are we afraid to do or to let go of? What is holding us back from loving others unconditionally?

We need to love with out boundaries because as Rob Bell (who some of you may dislike) has tilted his newest book "Love Wins" it does even if it looks a little different then we think it should.

That's all thanks for reading...

This is for the boys

Hey boys I wanted to give some pointers to you about friendship with girls.

I recently started talking with a guy friend that I hadn't talked to in awhile, things seemed to be going good and heading towards "something" and then something happened. So, I wanted to help you all out so you don't end up being thought of as a An Idiot or Meanie-head like this guy could easily be thought of as:

If you are just friends with a girl you need to make sure you are treating her just like all your other friends. You can't make her feel special unless she is. And if she is special then you need to let her know that she is not just a friend.
Don't send mixed messages be straight forward and if you are unsure of things to the point that you aren't willing to act on them then don't say anything no matter how open and honest your friendship is. Trust me she can't hear what you have to say because if you aren't gonna do anything about it you are only pulling on her heart strings. And in the end you are breaking her heart.

So some pointers on things not to say/do:
1. Never bring up marriage. I am not talking about the two of you getting married I am talking about anything thing that has to do with marriage, just don't bring it up.
2. Never and I mean Never kiss her unless you are willing to follow through with what that means. (you all know what that means and don't tell me she wanted it, if she kissed you back it was because she wanted you not just the kiss, she wanted a relationship and some how in her mind she was thinking "if we do this it will take us to the next level" wrong) Just don't do it. If you really have to kiss a girl because you are that desperate go to a bar find a girl you don't know kiss her and move on, you whore.
3. Phone conversations should never be longer then one you would have with the guys. I don't care if you feel like you can talk to her in ways you can't talk to the guys. She is just a friend stop talking to her for hours you a**hole, your leading her on.
4. Don't pay for her when you go places unless you do that for ALL your friends. Here is why IT'S A DATE if you do your an idiot. You are just friends, friends don't date. If you would like to say you are dating then please by all means take her wherever you want and pay for whatever you would like. But until you are willing to call it dating (which does not make it exclusive I have recently been researching what dating actually means and this is what I have come up with; Dating, in my opinion (and most people today), is getting to know someone that you like that you could potentially have romantic feelings for or eventually want a relationship with.  I think the difference between say "dating" verses friendship is the emotions you feel, you don't want to date all of your friends. In addition, you may spend much more one-on-one time with a person that you date verses a friend.  This one-on-one time is usually the key to figuring out if you want a relationship or not.

 When it becomes exclusive (meaning you know you want to have a relationship with that person and no one else), it becomes a relationship you are no longer just dating, some would call it exclusive dating, boyfriend/girlfriend others may say courtship. No matter what it is called it is the next level after dating.)  don't take her on dates. 

5. Let her know how you feel when you are sure about your feelings. I know it is easier to talk to girls about your feelings but don't do it with the girl you have feelings for unless you are sure of them. Call a girl friend and talk it through if you have to but don't, whatever you do, share your feelings with "your special friend" unless you are ready to act on them . Even if she is asking you to, lie to her if you have to. No really don't lie just let her know you are working through some stuff and you will let her know how you feel when you actually know for sure. 

6. If you are just friends stop checking her out. We can tell when you do that, we aren't stupid. We can feel your eyes on our body, we may not know what you are thinking exactly but we aren't stupid. Though it is flattering it is beyond inappropriate for you to do with a friend. 

7. Never slip up in your words. So, you "like" her more then friends but you don't know if you want to do anything about it. Keep your mouth shut in regards to anything that could imply that you want to be with her. Don't say things like; 

I have never felt this way with someone before

Why can I tell you anything and know that you will still see me the same

How can I feel this connected to you

Why do I feel so comfortable with you

You drive me crazy

You're beautiful 

anything like this puts things in our heads and wether you want those things in our heads or not you need to protect us until you are ready to make a commitment even if it's just a commitment to dating. 

So that's all I've got for now. I am sure there will be more at some point, but I am turning over a new leaf so you may not see blogs like this anymore or you may only see blogs like this??? It is going to be the only place for me to get it out :) 

Please oh please give me your feedback on this. 

Especially the dating portion I am really curious to see what others think "dating" is

Thanks for reading!

Some Changes

So recent life events have really got me thinking. I guess it's no surprise I have come to some more conclusions regarding all that has gone on, however this time it seems different.
I have finally figured out why things keep ending up this way, I think I have known all along but now at this point I am certain that I can say I am the common denominator. I am the reason things end up the way they do.
At first I was not okay with this realization but then as I began to tare it down I saw the beauty in it. To finally understand why things always fall apart, and why they never work out gave me an explainable peace. For so long I have been wrestling with the outcome of past relationships, jobs, and friendships and now I finally hold the answer to all I have wrestled with and now I can change it.
THE PROBLEM HAS BEEN ME!
I know that I am a strong personality type, the type of person people are drawn to with out knowing why, someone who can win over a crowd, and the girl who can if she wants to get what she wants. So, making friends, starting relationships, and finding jobs has never been my problem it's the keeping them that has been.
My dad once told me that if I was able to count all my true friends on one hand then I was blessed and I had more then most people. I use to think that was sad but now as I have grown older I see what he was saying. It's really hard to find someone who will stick by you through all your crap and still love you at the end of the day. I mean it's easy to hang when everything is going great but most people bail at the sign of trouble. They leave or pull back because they are afraid they will become to invested and get hurt with you. Heaven forbid someone suffer along side of you, it's always easier to do it while watching form the sidelines because then you don't actually have to play and get hurt. I guess I can say that I am a lucky person because despite recent events my friends that have been there in the past are still there, waiting to help me out of yet another situation.

This time it's different though, this time I want to do it myself and see if I can pull myself up and make it. I want to become a different person one that is not out spoken, one who keeps her opinions to herself, and one who doesn't give her heart away. That may seem a little crazy to most of you reading this, but who I have been for the past almost 30 years has gotten me where I am and I don't like it. I have recently had several men tell me that I am to guarded, and it's funny because I don't think I am guarded enough. I am going to put up walls that protect me and I am going to be more reserved and shy. I need to try a different approach towards things and see where it takes me. So, things may seem or look a little different around me in the days and weeks to come. It may take some getting use to but I think you will come to find that I will be a more lovable person in the end.
I am not saying that I am not lovable, I know that I am and I know that I am loved not only by God but also by friends. I am just saying I am going to take a different approach to life and see where it gets me. Who knows maybe someone will actual love the new me enough to actually act out on what they say instead of backing away and wanting space. Or maybe I will keep a job and be satisfied in it knowing that it is taking care of me.
I guess in a sense you could say I am giving up but I still have my dreams, those aren't changing. I am just the one who is changing and who knows maybe my dreams will be reached because of the change.
I have to try something because I am drowning over here in my own little world. I am trying to stay afloat holding on to things that are no longer there...I need a reality check and I got one last night so now I am doing something about it!
Love ya all thanks for reading.