Why does it have to be so complicated?

I'm 29 in one month and I'm still asking this question.

It may be because I'm single or becuase I'm confused...but, really why does it have to be so complicated.
At almost 29 I'm not still not sure why I am single but I am.
It wasn't the plan to be honest the plan was a little out of wack;
Be married by 22
Start having kids at 24
Have up to 6 kids by 32 and adopt 4 to 6 more by the time I was 37.
I know crazy (I did say it was out of wack).

Now at 24 reality sunk in and I figured I actually never really wanted that but, I did want to be married and start my family.

And yet time just kept going by. I mean great things happend. I traveled the world. I moved to differet cities and worked different jobs. It was all bennifical and good but still that feelign that somethign was missing lingered.

Now here I am at almost 29 having had made up my mind that if I'm not married or in a serious realtionship by the time I am 30 then I am not changing my last name. That's just the way it is. To think that I ever wanted to change it is kinda funny. I mean really Wildman who doesn't want that last name?

So here is what it comes down to. I think I am ready to be married. I think I will make a great wife and an even better mom, But God... apparentaly has other plans that I am unaware of (maybe you coudl fill me in here...Please!) all the while tourtauring me by placing me around happy young families. (Thanks a bunch)

I guess I am still thumbing through that 'be still and know that I am God' thing. Every time I think I get it, it slips right out of my hands and poof gone. Be Still and Know. BE STILL.

Man I wish I coudl just remove the desire to be wanted by anything but God. If only that was soemthing that a women could actually do.

Well I leave you with this because it really spoke to me today while sifting through all this junk;

Father in Heaven! You have loved us first, help us never to forget that You are love so that this sure conviction might triumph in our hearts over the seduction of the world, over the inquietude of the soul, over the anxiety for the future, over the fright of the past, over the distress of the moment. But grant also that this conviction might discipline our soul so that our heart might remain faithful and sincere in the love which we bear to all those whom You have commanded us to love as we love ourselves.

You have loved us first, O God, alas! We speak of it in terms of history as if You have only loved us first but a single time, rather than that without ceasing You have loved us first many things and every day and our whole life through. When we wake up in the morning and turn our soul toward You – You are the first – You have loved us first; if I rise at dawn and at the same second turn my soul toward You in prayer, You are there ahead of me, You have loved me first. When I withdraw from the distractions of the day and turn my soul toward You, You are the first and thus forever. And yet we always speak ungratefully as if You have loved us first only once.

- Soren Kierkegaard, “Prayer Two”