Hawaii 3-0h

NEW PLACES

are:

exciting

fun

scary 

unknown

amazing

an adventure

crazy 

overwhelming (in both good and bad ways)

expensive

hard

welcoming

different

and I am sure there is much more I could add to the list but I honestly can't think. 

all of theses words are feelings I have felt in the last 6 weeks. I feel like I have been on an emotional roller coaster trying to shift through what is valid and what is just over emotional.

I really think you learn a lot about yourself when you step out into the unknown. You are challenged to overcome obstacles you may have never faced before. 

Stepping out and leaving behind my entire life has proved to be a challenge. And I am not gonna lie I have broken down crying and come to the conclusion that I am packing it in and coming home, but those moments last for a brief second and then I realize that I am where I need to be and it's just gonna be rough sometimes. 

This really came to ahead this week when my best friend called me to let me know that her father had passed away. All I wanted to do was give her a hug and a shoulder to cry on...and I can't. I can't be there I am on what felt like at the moment a "God forsaken island". I was trapped I couldn't drive to her and be there in a couples hours. It would take more money then I had to buy a ticket and it would take more time off then I had to take. Regardless, I was willing to go. I and I would have if she had said she wanted /needed me there. 

Then the next morning I get a calling letting me know that my grandma has been admitted to the hospital and has pneumonia. At this point I am literally saying out loud "you have got to be kidding me" really. 

Well it turns out she is fine and it was a false alarm, but it really drove home the fact that I just can't be there for people like I use to be. 

Let me tell you that is a really hard conclusion to come to for me. I am not sure others handle it but, I am the person you can rely on to be there when there's a problem. Now it's different. I am not saying it is a bad things, it's just hard. 

There are many other things that come with leaving everything behind. It is a very freeing feeling to start over. You get to start a new adventure and start over in some regards. It's almost like jumping on a sailboat for the first time. You don't know if your gonna get seasick or love the open waters. You have no knowledge of knot tying, of sails, rudders, lines, speed (knots), and so much more. It's all unknown unless you have researched it and tried to educate yourself. Even then it is still all very unfamiliar because you have had no hands on experience. It is a challenge!

A couple days ago I went out looking for a place to live, I have a really tight budget so this was a real adventure. I found what seemed to be a fairly good deal. $825 a month for a one bedroom 400sqft apartment. It was nice inside but the building was a little rundown on the outside. So I asked the agent showing it to me if it was a safe neighborhood. She wasn't sure so she made some calls and little to my knowledge and even hers. I was advised that it was really not that safe. 

Then later that day I asked one of my friends who attends our church if it was safe and she let me know that was the area when she was a kid that the street walkers would come home to. 

Well, let's try again because that's not gonna work...

It's an adventure and a sure challenge stepping out but it is worth it!

Where are you stepping out?

Are you truly stepping out or are you just saying so? 

What are you afraid of?

Adventure is calling you go make a new story for your book, live it out aloud and let the world see your beauty! 

Hawaii 2-0h

So, many of you have been asking for some footage of where I am living and what the church looks like. Well a couple of days ago I was outside hanging out with Crystal and the boys and got this. I hope it gives you a glimpse of where we are at. I will take more footage and get it to you when I have some time.
I hope all is well wherever you are!

here is the video enjoy:    COMING SOON....sorry

This blog was suppose to go up about 3 maybe even 4 weeks ago but for some reason the video will not load, which to my dismay has only caused frustration. Technology = a love + hate relationship, for me. So I will try again and make it smaller to see if that will help it fit :)

As for now I have recently been going over and over in my head what it means to have faith and then what it means to live it out.
I believe that everyone either a follower of Jesus or not has some form of faith. We can believe/ have faith in ourselves, in our material possessions, in our families, in our relationships, in an institution, in $$$ Money $$$, in the idea of something, in freedom, in a system, and the list goes on.

The thing that I have really been trying to drive home is why do we have faith in those things or other things. It seems simple at first because they have been proven to be faithful. So therefore I trust them and I believe they will continue to be trustworthy. But, is that the case. Have I really researched what I have faith in. I have I looked at the history? Do they have a history?

Material Possessions will = work, care, time, $$$, and effort and they still can fail you depending on why you have them.
Families can = betray you, or leave you and history proves it.
Relationships can = heartbreak, loss, abandonment, betrayal, pain, anger, and just flat out issues. I can speak to that for sure.
The Institution (aka the man) can and will = absolute failure due to the greed and self righteous men running it. Look around and you will see it every where.
Money can = selfishness, greed, embellishment, broken relationships, and so on. History has proven this.
Ideas = fill in the blank _____________
Freedom = have we ever really been free?
Systems = failure

Now I know there is a flip side to everyone of these stories and that there are more then just negative views that each one of these carries. However the fact can't be dined that there are negative aspects to all of them.

But when I look at a God who has proven faithful over 1000's of years and has never once not followed through with what he promises. He was there for Adam, Moses, Abraham, David, Ruth, Esther, Job, Mary, the Disciples, and so many others why wouldn't he be here for me?

He has been there for me since I was a little child and he will continue to be here for me because he is a faithful God worthy of my faith, trust, belief and yet understanding of my doubt.


I guess over the past couple weeks I have come to realize that even when my human self can't understand or comprehend how faithful he is, he still is. Even when I doubt because things aren't happening fast enough or the way I want he is still faithful. He was and is and will be faithful to me and to all who are standing by trying to have the faith to believe.

I will always be striving to believe and have faith that is required of me but I do understand that I will fall short, but with all that I am I will pick myself back up again and keep on trying.
BECAUSE HE IF FAITHFUL!!!!

Keep finding your meaning, so you can create your story, to reveal your true beauty!!!

Oh the nap...

I am puzzled and perplexed at how the nap can be coveted. I understand that people need their sleep and that if they do not get it they can become very grumpy, but there adults they should be able to manage. Right?

If one doesn't get the sleep necessary to get through a day there are things you can use to supplement the energy need to make it through. I am not saying that using those things on a daily basis is a good thing but, I do think there is a time and a place often a necessity for them.

I have recently experienced the repercussions of "lack of sleep" I am currently living with a 16 month old and a 5 month old. Sleep is a nonexistent word in the house and naps are hard to come by, but when they do they are sweet and fought over. Never did I think it possible to argue over sleep but let me tell you it is and it happens often.
When you are waking up 3 to 5 times a night you seem to be on edge over several things and sleep one of the top. It is easy to lose all adult reasoning when it comes to sleep so I have learned. I am trying to wrap my mind around it. It seems that men have a hard time dealing with it then women so I am left to wonder why?

I have a couple theory's
1. I think men require more uninterrupted sleep. So, they can think clearly.
2. Men have a heavy weight of responsibility to be the financial provider so they are more often stressed out about that which when combined with no sleep leads to "stay the hell away"
3. Men have much less patients and can't deal with lack of sleep.
4. Men are just out right wimps and need to suck it up.

I don't know maybe it could be said to be the opposite in others lives. All I know is this is what I am experiencing. All I know is if you are a women and you want to take a nap you better think about when and where you are going to do it because it could end up costing you a lot more then you ever thought possible!

Love you all I'll put up so video real soon possibly later tonight!!!